Rock’n’roll is a strange and wonderful world. While the genre has given us some of the best music in history, it has also conjured up some of the worst – with endless crazy stories. It’s almost like being a successful musician is a prerequisite that you have to be a little bit out of whack.
Fortunately, these days the age-old stereotype of the “rockstar” seems to be dying out. It has been proven time and time again that as a way of life it is futile, and all excess and total commitment to hedonism will only end in one way.
However, there are still those we still perceive as “rockstars”. They are either part of a dying race, like the surviving members of the Rolling Stones or The Beatles, or are now a total walking caricature. The likes of Mötley Crüe and Kid Rock are the ones that immediately spring to mind. Either way, rock music continues to be the gift that keeps on giving, whether in the form of great music or material so horrible it’s funny.
Musicians are musicians, there is no escaping it, and there will always be a certain degree of going against the grain due to the naturally different nature of your everyday Joe. Whether it’s behind-the-scenes fights or crazy drug-related stories, there will always be stories like these, but maybe not in the huge volume they once did.
Since this collection of individuals has a penchant for surprise, they have also given us something else on several occasions over the years; the duo. There have been so many, it’s really dizzying. However, there seems to be a common thread with the duets, whether in rock, pop or otherwise – they are rarely good.
The duets tend to rank among the worst pieces of music ever released, serving only a vanity project for those involved. If you quickly remember some of the duets that have given us our shivers over the years, you’ll heed it loud and clear.
It got us thinking, so what are the worst rock duos of all time? With an endless amount of choice, it was no easy task. We’ve narrowed it down to just five in the hopes of giving you a concise picture of what a rock duo shouldn’t look / sound like.
Unsurprisingly, expect to see some of the most ridiculous characters in rock and roll history.
The five worst rock music duets of all time:
U2 / Green Day – ‘The Saints Are Coming’ (2006)
It is truly an abomination. It’s a sonic embodiment of everything that’s wrong with modern rock, a project of total vanity, and it’s no surprise that it features U2.
Aside from the fact that both bands managed to ruin the classic Skids punk track via U2’s over-the-top, over-produced sound, they take all of the organic fury out of the original and tone it down into a fragile shell of its former glory. via their very, very poor musicality. The guitar playing is so vanilla that the late Stuart Adamson would roll over in his grave.
Plus, Billie Joe Armstrong’s pointless account of the “House of the Rising Sun” verse from Animals is cringe. The 2000s were crap, weren’t they?
Linkin Park / Jay-Z – ‘Numb / Encore’ (2004)
Ok, there were parts from the EP Linkin Park / Jay-Z 2004, Collision course, which were decent. Separately, the first Linkin Park and Jay-Z are untouchable, that’s undeniable.
However, the ‘Numb / Encore’ mashup is pure cheese. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the studio version or the live version with Paul McCartney; again, this is a case where the 2000s are too ridiculous. It doesn’t hold up well and the self-awareness of everyone involved is around 0.5%. It’s just too much.
Sebastian Bach / Axl Rose – ‘Back in the Saddle’ (2007)
Even in 2007, it was hard to believe that this kind of music still existed. An awful mix of cock-rock and heavy metal, this is the kind of music that has been parodied so many times over the years. It is in this musical field that we still find our musicians guilty of taking themselves very seriously, the prototype of Aldous Snow.
The worst part is the rendering is that this is a cover of Aerosmith, and they don’t do Perry, Tyler and the rest of the band justice. From the third solo album by former Skid Row singer Sebastian Bach, Angel down, this is just one of three tracks featuring the incomparable voice of Axl Rose. Two words: not good.
Sammy Hagar / Kid Rock / Joe Satriani – ‘Knockdown Dragout’ (2013)
On paper, ex-Van Halen frontman Sammy Hagar, Dixie Kid Rock rocker and least-loved guitar virtuoso Joe Satriani sounds awfully good. To the total and total surprise of all, it was! One of the worst songs I’ve ever heard, it’s hard to believe there is even a market for this kind of effort.
Again, this can only be described as a vanity project and a joke. It is because of songs like this that rock has lost its supremacy in music. Hagar, Rock and the like should be sent to space via Bezos’ floating dildo and stay there.
Alice Cooper / Donovan – “Billion Dollar Babies” (1973)
This one is just weird. It’s so ’70s, and the vocal back-and-forth between Cooper and Donovan is one of the clearest examples in music of why you shouldn’t abuse drugs. The Donovan falsetto that is swept into your left ear is really weird and sounds almost sinister. He tries to be hard rock, but he just isn’t. As the track rolls, it’s almost unfathomable that Mr. ‘Mellow Yellow’ is trying to be all rock ‘n’ roll.
Plus, Cooper sounds like he’s underwater, which gives the song a truly jarring feel as Donovan’s creepy whispers sound like he’s standing right behind you. Like the 2000s, the 1970s were a very strange time. It was projects like this that resulted in the arrival of punk and the attempt to wash away all the egos of “classic” rockstars.
